Sammy-Jo Brandon was so desperate to be a mother that delayed the treatment of cancer that saved life, which could have left it infertile, to suffer the first stage of the IVF. It is a decision that may have cost Sammy-Jo his life.
His with a broken heart Kim, 64, a Horchurch retired office worker, Essex, reveals the despair that she and her husband Matthew, 63, a retired tool manufacturer, felt with the choice of her daughter and the steps they have taken since then to use her pain to help others through Sammyjobrandonfoundation.org.org.uk.
«If I can’t have children, I don’t want to live.» That was my daughter’s reaction when doctors urged her to begin chemotherapy, having been diagnosed with breast cancer of only 26 years.
I was firm that I first wanted to take measures to preserve its fertility, even if that meant delaying the start date of chemotherapy for months.
As scary as it was for us as his parents, it was not a surprise.
Each bone of my Sammy-Jo’s body was maternal. He had longed to be a mother since she was a teenager, and every time friends or family had a baby, she hugged them tenderly.
It was clear that it was natural and I told him countless times: «You’ll make a great mom one day, Sammy-Jo».
He had even started buying babies, tops and boots over the years in advance, which he stored in boxes and bags in his room.
But in September 2016, while Sammy-Jo attended the wedding of a friend in Cyprus, he found a lump in his bosom.
They took away a lump when I was 25 years old, which turned out to be benign, so I tried to assure her that it would be the same for her. I never imagined for a moment that it would be something serious.
Kim’s daughter and Matthew Brandon, Sammy-Jo, delayed her cancer treatment, since she desperately wanted the opportunity to become a mother
Sammy-Jo was diagnosed with breast cancer after detecting a lump while attending the wedding of a friend in Cyprus
Kim with Sammy-Jo during his battle against cancer. Sammy-Jo was petrified chemotherapy left it infertile
When he returned after a few days, Sammy-Jo went to the header and was sent to the hospital for an ultrasound scan, which had a few weeks later.
His partner Jack took her in a week later for the results. Shortly after that, Sammy-Jo called me work in tears, with the devastating news that it was cancer. In addition, the tumor already measured 8 mm and was a triple negative cancer, an especially aggressive form of the disease.
I was completely shock. And although the doctor had tried to reassure Sammy-Jo, telling him that they had caught him early, she went to the way of panic.
As it was such an aggressive cancer, they told him that they needed to act quickly to avoid spreading.
Sammy-Jo was reserved to undergo surgery to eliminate the bulge two weeks later in December 2016, and they told us that he needed to start chemotherapy treatment immediately later.
But Sammy-Jo also wanted to be a mother, and it was petrified that chemotherapy would leave her infertile.
She wanted to freeze embryos before she underwent any treatment.
His father Matthew did not want to delay treatment for a minute, everything that mattered was that Sammy-Jo improved. But she was inflexible.
Kim says he could understand his daughter’s resistance to begin chemotherapy
Sammy-Jo had always wanted to be a mother I had often bought baby clothes in preparation
She was a godmother of the babies of many of her friends and would hug them tender
I knew what it meant to be a mother. If someone had told me that I could never have children, it would have been devastated. So, although she wanted her to begin chemotherapy, I could understand her resistance.
Sammy-Jo advanced with his plans and, a week after surgery, the treatment of IVF with Jack began, with whom he had been for four years.
Everything took time. First he had to take drugs to stimulate his ovaries to produce eggs. Then they had to be removed and fertilized in a test tube.
He took six weeks in total, but after the first time they managed to obtain only two embryos.
«It’s not enough for two mom children,» he insisted. I had read that, on average, two and a half embryos are needed to get a child, since the first time does not always work. She wanted at least two children, so she wanted to make a second collection of eggs.
And again this took another six weeks.
We, and his doctors, were desperate because she began her chemotherapy.
We were overwhelmed and said: «We don’t want you to die.» But Sammy-Jo was determined. «Only one more, mom,» he promised.
So he made the daily injections, and his eggs were collected and fertilized and placed. He was happy to have had enough and freeze his future hope of being a mother.
Finally, chemotherapy began in January 2017, more than three months after doctors said it should begin.
It was hard. He was exhausted and lost his hair. But she still had a smile for us.
It ended in April 2017, and doctors were optimistic.
There were no cancer signs, and we thought we could finally leave it behind and start life again.
The oncologist had said that he waited at least one year after treatment before he considers to implement any of the frozen embryos.
But now he was more cooled to conceive since the embryos gave him ‘safe’.
His periods began again later that year. But there were worrying signs that something was not right.
Months after his treatment ended, Sammy-Jo was still exhausted and suffered from «chemotherapy brain», where the effects of chemotherapy make his brain feel diffuse.
She also began to have headaches. As a precaution, he was given a brain exploration at the end of 2017, but the doctors said that everything looked good and that we had a lovely family Christmas.
But in February 2018, Sammy-Jo was helping a friend in a florist to gather the flowers of Valentine’s Day when they called us.
«You better come quickly, Sammy-Jo has passed out,» he said. Her friend had called an ambulance and went directly to the hospital.
The doctors said he had had a seizure. As she had had a brain scan a couple of months before, they felt that it was not necessary to give her another. Instead, they gave her medications against Sevality and sent her home.
Three days later, we were down in the kitchen when we heard her shout up (she stayed with us at that time).
We found her lying on her bed, with her body shaking. She had had another seizure. I ran to call 999 while Matthew sustained her.
The operator told us that we kept his head, and that we tried to stop it in the tongue while we waited for the ambulance, which arrived in 12 minutes and took it to the hospital.
This time they took it for a scan, and showed devastating news. Cancer had returned in his brain and lungs.
The doctors discussed the possible radiotherapy and brain surgery treatment options.
But two weeks later, another exploration showed that he had several rapid tumors and that the main one was not accessible to surgery. Sammy-Jo told him that he only had eight weeks to live.
«Sorry, there is nothing we can do,» said the doctor.
I, Jack, Matthew and his brother Daniel, all sitting next to his hospital bed and sob we were together.
After everything that had happened, our beautiful daughter was going to be removed, and we couldn’t endure it.
Although it was terminal, Sammy-Jo received surgery a few days later to remove a tumor on the back of his head, which would have affected his ability to walk.
Sammy-Jo wanted to spend his last weeks at home and did so. She remained incredibly strong: her thoughts were for her friends and family … and, of course, her children.
It was a godmother of the babies of many of her friends and in the weeks she had left, there were gifts, from baby clothes she had bought for her own future children, and her clothes and perfumes to give them something to remember her.
She also wrote birthday cards for all for the following year.
Sammy-Jo planned his own funeral, which wanted to be a party to celebrate life. He accepted that he was borrowed, and planning all this gave him some purpose.
He died eight weeks later, exactly as the doctors predicted.
He never had to be a mother, but made us promise to help children in need.
«I can’t have children, but I want you to protect others for me,» he said.
And we have been faithful to his word. Just after she died, we created the Sammy-Jo Foundation, which raises funds to help children with cancer.
We hope to reach the £ 500,000 mark for our fundraising this year. She would have loved and was very proud.
Jack, with whom we still have a great relationship, helps us direct the charity and classify it as another child.
Tragically, his embryos had to be destroyed two years after Sammy-Jo died, since those are the rules. Jack was distressed, and we too. He felt like the end of an era, and Sammy-Jo’s last bit was gone.
If Sammy-Jo had begun chemotherapy immediately, then he may have been with us today. The doctors told us that the first 12 weeks after surgery were the most important moment to begin chemotherapy, since cancer cells are more receptive to treatment.
But I know he would not have changed his decision. Being a mother was the most important thing for her.
I would do anything to recover my daughter, but now Matthew and I focused on saving other lives, in memory of her. And we will do it while we live.
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